


the last waltz

by lingeringdust



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ballet, Dancing, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Queer Character, Trans Character, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:26:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2740871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lingeringdust/pseuds/lingeringdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College/University!AU + Ballet!AU. As a senior dance major with a specialty in ballet, Bela is assigned to guide a group of beginning ballet students to make sure they get enough practice. As it turns out, the new transfer student Castiel is taking beginning ballet. And she's definitely caught Bela's eye.</p><p>Features Trans!Cas</p><p>Thanks to plainwater (on tumblr) for taking the time to look this over so last minute and for dealing with me, my lateness, and my run-on sentences.</p><p>Written for SPN femslash holiday gift exchange 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the last waltz

The dim light of the hallway seems to amplify the shadows as Bela tiptoes through, feet automatically striding towards her favorite dance studio. She passes by the open binder hanging on the bulletin board, papers drifting with the breeze she leaves behind. She doesn’t notice the reservation marked down for the exact studio she’s heading for -- why would she anyway? No one ever comes in on Friday night.

 

As she gets closer, she realizes that the studio she usually occupies is lit up and there is already someone inside it. The music, a low melodic tune, drifts into the hallway despite the Studio President’s claim that the newly installed doors for the studios were soundproof.

 

Bela peeks through the glass and sees a tall woman stretching at one of the bars. She’s broad shouldered and has long wavy hair that falls just above her waist. As Bela watches silently, the woman leans over, reaching for her toes, pink leotard stretching along her lithe body.

 

Bela frowns. She’s been a dance major since her freshmen year, and over the past three years she had never seen this woman. Even if she’d managed to slip Bela’s eye, she should have caught Bela’s attention by now -- ballet was hardly an easy choice for many students to take on as a specialty.

 

Bela turns back to the notebook, checking the reservation calendar to make sure the woman had clearly marked it. Otherwise -- and Bela suppresses the growl that creeps up her throat -- no one takes Bela Talbot’s studio space.

 

But the woman had indeed reserved this time slot, and Bela grits her teeth, turning away from her favorite studio space for the more dingy and far lonelier space in the back corner.

 

 _Castiel_ , the reservation had said, written down in dark blue ink.

 

*****

 

Ruby slides into the seat across from her, just as Bela puts a forkful of greens in her mouth. Ruby’s hair is tangled into knots and the telltale sign of weariness hangs underneath her eyes. Despite this, her lips curve into a mischievous slant as she reaches over and snatches Bela’s fries, eliciting little protest.

 

Bela immediately knows they had had another fight.

 

“Can you believe this shit?” Ruby says, stuffing a mouthful of fries into her mouth. “They ran out of fries already and it’s only --” she glances down at her phone, “it’s only eleven fifteen!”

 

“Well, they’ll probably make more,” Bela says reasonably.

 

“Not good enough.”

 

Bela slides over her plate of fries and lets Ruby finish the rest. She watches her friend for a few seconds, eyeing the way her shoulders tense every few seconds, and the way her free hand hangs onto the edge of the table like she’s got everything to lose if she lets go.

 

She debates for a second on whether she should ask. On the one hand, Ruby can handle this on her own. She’s gone through these fights before and she always bounces back right as rain, and the two of them always seem to get over it. Plus, she’s an adult. They both are. On the other hand, Bela hasn’t seen Ruby like this since last year when Anna got into that accident.

 

“What’d you two fight about this time?”

 

Ruby pauses, looks surprised at the question, but then sighs and looks out the window. She rubs her hands together, to get rid of the salt covering her fingers.

 

 _You always know me too well_ , lies unspoken between them.

 

“It’s…” Ruby stops and looks around again, as though looking for an escape. Or like she’s worried Anna might appear at any moment and hear them talking. “She’s thinking about switching majors.”

 

Bela fiddles with her fork, but doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to, Ruby continues.

 

“And like, that’s not the problem,” Ruby says, toying with the ends of her hair, running her fingers through them to untangle the knots that she must have left from her bed hair. “It’s just that -- well -- she’s thinking about switching over to a _different_ major.”

 

And then Bela understands.

 

Clarence Academy, though one of the top schools in the nation, is highly specialized -- students enrolled in their program automatically go to a fine arts or music or dance or even theatre major. After all, Clarence Academy boasts the highest rate for professional musicians, actors, artists, and more -- it _was_ an arts school. Bela, herself, would be finishing up her fourth year at Clarence and by the end of the year, she would hopefully earn a degree in dance, with a specialty in ballet.

 

But to want to switch over to a different major -- well, that meant that Anna was thinking of transferring.

 

“You two fought over this?” Bela says softly.

 

Ruby looks tiny as she shrinks her shoulders and curls up her arms against her. She nods.

 

“Wasn’t like it was hard for me,” she says. “One thing led to the next thing and all I know is that she’s planning on leaving me.”

 

“Or maybe she won’t,” Bela says, “maybe she’s still trying to sort herself out and needs some space. She --” Bela pauses, trying to gather her thoughts. “She loves you and I know it’s difficult to see it when you’re the one in the relationship, but she really, truly does. Right now, your personalities are just clashing in the worst way possible, you two will get through this.”

 

Ruby looks slightly comforted by this, but not entirely. Instead she sighs and begins eating again, this time demolishing Bela’s entire plate of fries in under a minute.

 

Bela doesn’t know what else to say -- she’s never been really good at this. The last time she had been in a serious relationship was three years ago back at her old secondary school in London. When Bela mentioned coming to the U.S. on the exchange program, her ex-girlfriend had immediately understood. Though they tried to give the long-distance relationship a try, it hadn’t worked out. By the time Bela entered her second semester in freshmen year, they had mutually decided to stop seeing each other.

 

“Say,” Ruby says after a few minutes, eyes caught on something behind Bela, “who d’you think that is?”

 

Bela glances over her shoulder and surveys the cafeteria. There are students mingling around -- a few are standing and holding their trays while they chattered with friends still in the middle of their lunch. Others scan the cafeteria looking for empty seats. There’s Dean Winchester, broad-shouldered and rowdy, cheerfully joking with Charlie Bradbury, who’s radiant as ever. Behind them, there’s Jo Harvelle, looking as unkempt in her paint-splattered overalls and sitting a little bit too close to a dark-skinned, dark-haired girl Bela didn’t recognize.

 

“That one girl sitting next to Jo?”

 

“Who? Tracy?” Ruby shakes her head, “Nah, keep looking. It’s that really tall girl sitting in the corner over there.”

 

Bela’s eyes scan over the group of students she recognizes and then those she only recognizes by face, until her gaze lands on the girl in the studio -- _Castiel_.

 

Castiel solemnly eats her burger -- going as far as to cut it up in pieces. Her head tilts down, obscuring most of her face but that doesn’t stop her from hiding a strong jawline.

 

“Castiel?” Bela says as she turns around to face Ruby, “I think she’s one of the new transfers for this semester.”

 

Ruby’s face morphs into something Bela can’t quite read, something Bela isn’t even sure she wants to know. She bites her lips and hums under her breath, hesitating. As if she knows what she’s about to say might impact the way Bela sees her, but she says it anyway.

 

“Hm, well, she’s interesting looking.”

 

Bela doesn’t comment, unsure what Ruby means.

 

*****

 

 _Castiel_ becomes a persistent annoyance.

 

Despite their being in different classes and totally different majors (or at least Bela is sure they were in different majors), Bela keeps running into her. Or rather, Bela keeps noticing Castiel wherever she goes -- lunch, running errands, class, the studio, or even times as absurd as when she gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom until she realizes that she has zero tampons left and has to make a stop before she forgets.

 

Castiel is somehow there, looking pale and fragile underneath the fluorescent lights of the convenience store, as she picks up a carton of milk.

 

Bela turns away.

 

It must be some kind of phenomenon, she thinks, remembering vaguely of that one theory that holds that once you see something you’ve never noticed before, you begin to notice it more and more. It becomes something of an annoyance really, but it just goes to show that maybe perhaps you are really curious about it.

 

And Bela is definitely curious about Castiel.

 

Jess, who is so blonde and so tall and just absolutely gorgeous, slides into the seat next to her in the cafe. It’s actually quite lucky for Bela that Jess is straight and studying a _different major_ because she’s sure that Jess would be perfect as a nurse. Or kissing Bela. Whichever.

 

“What are you looking at?” Jess smiles.

 

She follows Bela’s line of sight and catches a glimpse of Castiel, who looks as solemn as ever standing in line. She has her hands in her pocket but still looks freezing.

 

“Nothing,” Bela says. But Jess isn’t easily fooled.

 

“Hm… Castiel?” she says, startled.

 

“You know her?”

 

Jess tilts her head and looks a little uncomfortable. She glances over at Castiel as if to check to see if she can hear them from this far away, but there are pink rose buds stuck in her ears and a low echo of strings waltzing through the speakers.

 

“Sort of,” Jess admits, “but only because she used to go to my boyfriend’s college --”

 

“Used to?” Bela raises an eyebrow.

 

“Right, well, Castiel and my boyfriend were in the same class. Same major and everything -- they were --” here, Jess pauses and glances over her shoulder again. No reaction from Castiel, who only picks up her coffee cup and heads towards the door.

 

Bela leans closer. “They were what?”

 

But before Jess can get another word in, Ruby and Anna enter the cafe, laughing loudly. Jess cheerfully waves them over, and Bela notices that for a brief second, it looks like Castiel had noticed their conversation, eyes narrowed in suspicion -- but then Bela blinks and Castiel is out the door.

 

Anna’s arm is hooked around Ruby, and one of Ruby’s arms has completely disappeared behind Anna. They lean into each other, as though they were two halves of a whole and Bela is glad to see it.

 

“Still missing Meg,” Jess mutters glancing at her watch.

 

Anna slides into the seat across from Jess, leaving Ruby across from Bela.

 

“Well, she’s always late,” Anna says. “Let’s just order something while we wait, yeah? I’m hungry.”

 

They nod in agreement and conversation becomes low hushes and tones, hidden underneath the decorative red, yellow, orange, and golden hues of the maple leaves hanging above them. One of the cafe workers leaves the front of the desk, arms full of fake cobwebs, fake glittery spiders, and a giant pumpkin, and heads towards the windows.

 

Meg arrives just as they’re finishing their appetizers and she’s already rolling her eyes before she has even sat down.

 

“Started without me?” she teases.

 

“You took too long,” Ruby says, “‘sides, we only ordered fries and dip.”

 

Meg shrugs and grabs the last chip and dip as she takes her seat.

 

“Anyway, what took you?” Anna asks.

 

Bela leans back in her seat, preparing herself for whatever excuse Meg had come up with this time.

 

At Anna’s question, Meg’s lips split into a wicked grin as she turns to  Jess.

 

“Your boyfriend,” she says simply.

 

Ruby looks confused. “What?”

 

At the same time, Jess starts. “Sam?”

 

“Yeah, his brother -- what’s his name again?”

 

“Dean?”

 

Bela frowns.

 

“Bumped into him,” Meg says. She rubs the chip crumbs away from her lips. “Him and another gal -- that new transfer student.”

 

Bela immediately thinks of Castiel, looking haunted and wispy as she glanced over her shoulder towards their rowdy group of ladies. She thinks of Castiel’s long hair, worn carefully alongside her shoulder, down her neck, pulled together neatly into a tail with a single blue ribbon.

 

Her heart lurches at the idea of Castiel and Dean together.

 

“So?” Ruby frowns. “Were they making out? That’s nothing -- Dean’s always puckering those pouty lips.”

 

“Wait a minute, slow down. Who was this transfer student?” Anna says.

 

“That one girl who just left the cafe,” Bela says, “the tall one with long hair and the pink earphones.”

 

The table falls silent and Bela suddenly finds herself at the center of scrutiny.

 

“Why Bela,” Meg teases, “how do you know so much about this transfer student?”

 

 _Well she took my favorite studio space_ , Bela thinks _, and she’s suddenly appearing everywhere and now I can’t seem to stop noticing her_. _And she’s actually quite attractive._

 

“That’s beside the point, Meg,” Bela says instead, “what were you saying?”

 

Meg gives her a knowing nod, but doesn’t call her out. Instead, she wiggles her eyebrows.

 

“Oh they were talking -- about, _certain_ things,” she says.

 

Ruby leans forward, eyes glimmering with unconstrained excitement, hands pressed against the sides of the table. Her dark hair sways forward.

 

“And?” she demands.

 

Bela is surprised to see that Anna, too, has turned to face Meg with undisguised curiosity. Even Jess, who normally refused to engage in such lowly behaviors as gossiping, tilts her head towards Meg’s direction. But her eyes are expectant, as if she already knows what Meg would say.

 

But Meg leans back, crossing her legs.

 

“It’s not a lady’s place to say,” she smiles.

 

Bela snorts.

 

*****

 

Bela starts feeling the full heat of classes, extracurriculars, and work by mid-October. And as a graduating senior, there was graduation and finding a job afterwards to worry about. On top of all that, her dance advisor wants her to start guiding beginning dance students in group sessions to review their coursework -- outside of class, of course. It’s not so bad that she has to take on all of the groups, just two, but that’s still six more hours of work a week to do that she hasn’t got time for.

 

Her first instructional session is tonight and she is -- Bela glances down at her watch, eyes pinned on where the seconds hand is currently ticking further and further away from the “12” spot -- well, she’s late. Which was totally Ruby’s fault for texting her last minute about forgetting her apartment keys and asking her to turn back to grab them for her.

 

The studio doors are already open so she shucks her shoes off and tosses everything but her laptop against the wall and heads inside. She’s greeted by a sudden spike in temperature, a reminder of the previous class’s dance session in the very same studio.

 

The students are already there, stretching in various stances or otherwise seated and chatting with others. Bela scans them -- no familiar faces -- and then heads towards a corner where she can be as unobtrusive as possible to the new dancers.

 

Her professor had forgotten to give her the attendance sheet so she’s stuck assuming that everyone is present.

 

“Hello, everyone. Does everyone remember what you’ve learnt this morning?” Bela asks as she sets aside her laptop.

 

One student nods and raises her hand. She’s a rather small girl, very young looking and very tanned, with dark hair. Bela recognizes her as the same girl Jo was leaning very close to just a few weeks ago when Bela and Ruby were discussing Castiel.

 

Bela shakes the thought of Castiel away and gestures to her student.

 

“Name?”

 

“Tracy,” she says, and then launches into a quick explanation of the morning’s review.

 

“Great job --”

 

A loud rustling noise catches Bela’s attention and she cuts off, turning her head towards the studio door just in time to see -- ah, speak of the devil -- _Castiel_ walk in.

 

Castiel says nothing, but gives Bela a short nod.

 

The rest of the dance session falls apart after Castiel’s entrance, not that she noticed anything. Bela can’t keep her eyes off Castiel and while she can maintain an appearance of unruffled feathers, her words come out with a sharper bite than usual and her students become wary of her.

 

A student slowly stretches out her arm, but Bela’s keeping an eye on Castiel in the back corner, and nearly walks into it.

 

“Watch it,” Bela says with a little more force than necessary.

 

Castiel leans forward to practice a _saute_ , and perhaps the floor is slippery because Castiel nearly falls flat on her face.

 

Bela rushes over to help her up.

 

Thankfully, the hour-long session finishes rather soon and the students slowly filter out of the studio, waving goodbyes and thanking her for her (paid) time.

 

Bela notices that Castiel’s lingering in the back, slowly pulling on her pants, and then her jacket.

 

Bela quickly finishes and moves to leave, but Castiel calls her back.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says, “for coming late.” Her voice is surprisingly rough, raspy, a little on the deeper side.

 

“It’s fine,” Bela says. “Especially since this is the first session.”

 

“About that,” Castiel says, “I was wondering if you had time to meet me earlier or after the meeting? I’m having trouble with coordinating my balance --” She looks away and then down towards the ground.

 

Bela winces. Yeah, she had noticed that Castiel was particularly _bad_ at ballet, but hadn’t said anything. Like, maybe she just isn’t very good at keeping balance. But the thought of spending another extra half hour that Bela can’t spare is enough to make her groan aloud.

 

But Castiel looks so _earnest_ and embarrassed that she’s horribly bad at ballet that Bela just wants to help.

 

“Yeah,” Bela says, “no problem.”

 

They leave the studio together, feet crunching past the fallen leaves.

 

“You’re a first year here, yeah?” Bela says.

 

“Yes,” Castiel says, “though technically I have enough credits to be a junior.”

 

“Lovely. Where did you go before?”

 

“One of the sister schools to Clarence, actually.” Castiel shrugs and shifts the bag over her shoulders. The same pink earphones Bela had seen before dangles around Castiel’s neck, loose.

 

“Not Washington?”

 

Castiel gives a grim smile. “Yes actually.”

 

Bela raises an eyebrow, briefly remembering Jess’s boyfriend being a law student.

 

“So you were a law student,” she breathes, “why the sudden transfer then?”

 

Castiel shrugs. It seems like shrugging was a Castiel-thing.

 

“Law was something my parents had chosen for me and for the longest time, I thought it was something I had chosen as well.” She licks her lips. “And now, I realize that I’ve been following a path that’s been laid out for me so I’ve decided to do something I want.”

 

A brief silence hangs in the air, a brief pause in the conversation as Castiel’s words sink into Bela’s mind.

 

“That’s great,” Bela says, “that’s amazing really. I’ve actually had a similar experience.”

 

Castiel spins to face her, cheeks flushed pink with the cold. Her eyes sparkle blue and they’re a deadly blue.

 

“Well, of sorts,” Bela continues, “I ran away from home when I was 16. Lived with a girlfriend for a couple years before I decided England was no longer home.”

 

“That’s incredibly brave,” Castiel says.

 

“Save that for yourself,” Bela laughs, “picking your own path, that’s something most people could never do.”

 

*****

 

“So what do you like to do?” Castiel says one night after a dance session. The other students have already left, leaving Castiel extra time to practice and even spend more time with Bela -- something that she had been looking forward to ever since she walked home with Castiel that first night.

 

Bela glances over at Castiel, eyebrow raised. They’re sitting on the hardwood flooring, the lights dancing off the mirrors reflecting their tired bodies, exhausted and shining with sweat.

 

“I like collecting things,” she says, “mostly artwork.”

 

Castiel smiles.

 

“Like the abstract art hanging in the student museum?”

 

Bela groans at the mere mention of the student museum. She thinks about all of the so-called “contemporary” artwork hanging in there. Like the single trash can sitting in the corner of the gallery someone is trying to pass as art, its contents spilled across the white floor, or the blank canvas that’s somehow supposed to be a representation of something profound.

 

“Don’t even talk to me about that,” she says, and thinks about the nudes decorating her walls.

 

Castiel laughs at that.

 

“So what do kind of art do you like then?” she asks.

 

“Mostly paintings. I like seeing the paint strokes,” Bela says. “But there’s also something about simple graphite lines that makes things interesting. Anyway, what brought this up?”

 

“No reason,” Castiel says, giving her a teasing smile, “just wanted to get to know more about my favorite TA.”

 

Bela looks away and adopts a cool voice.

 

“Well, I’m my favorite TA so that’s completely understandable,” she says, trying to play off the compliment.

 

Castiel laughs, loud and clear.

 

They walk back again, chatting about classes.

 

“Don’t ever take Ryan’s Artistic License course,” Bela warns, “it’s required for all fine arts students, but Pak sometimes takes over a semester when Ryan teaches the senior seminar course.”

 

Castiel grins at the tone in Bela’s voice.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says, “but what are your thoughts on Gittins?”

 

Bela shakes her head, thinking about the piles upon piles of essays in his Theatre History course.

 

“I suppose it’s rather too late to switch out,” Castiel mourns.

 

 And when Castiel veers off towards home, Bela can finally allow herself to feel giddy. The conversation back at the studio and during the walk back has her cheeks splitting into a contagious grin. Her palms become sweaty and her heart feels like it’s bursting out of her chest.

 

Castiel likes her. She _likes_ her. It’s the first time in a long time that Bela actually _feels_ like skipping all the way back to her apartment and something must have shown on her face when she gets back because Ruby immediately notices.

 

“Who is it?” Ruby gleefully cheers as Bela makes her way towards her room.

 

*****

 

Halloween looms. Most dorm hallways begin showing signs of creativity, marking the usually dark halls with light-up paper ghosts and fake cobwebs made of worn cotton balls.

 

The dance session right before Halloween, Castiel lingers behind. By now, Bela has met up with her several times, often spending more than the allotted time to help Castiel with her posture and dance moves.

 

The other students bid Bela farewell, cheerfully wishing her a happy halloween. A few of the students who Bela likes a little bit more -- not that she’ll actually admit it -- invite her to a party that night down at the big sorority house off Lexington. She declines, thinking of the party she’ll attend later with Ruby and Jessica.

 

As the final student leaves, Castiel finishes packing up her stuff and walks over to where Bela is putting away the stereo.

 

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Castiel says. Direct, as always.

 

Bela considers lying for a moment, wanting the opportunity to spend more time with Castiel, but she knows that if she ditches Jess and Ruby, she’d get hell for it.  On the other hand, she could always just ask Castiel to the party.

 

“I do actually,” Bela says. It’s not hard to show disappointment. “A friend is hosting a Halloween party at her place and a couple of my friends and I are heading there.”

 

Castiel visibly deflates.

 

“But … would you like to go together?”

 

Instantly, Castiel seems to perk up. Her eyes sparkle in undisguised excitement as she nods.

 

“Yes, that would be great,” Castiel says.

 

Bela’s heart flutters at the response, already eager for the evening’s party.

 

“I can drop by your place around eight, would that work?”

 

Bela watches Castiel as her eyes flutter and she leans back, her lithe figure gracefully arching back into a comfortable unbalanced stance. She absently pulls her dark hair together and begins tying it together to the side with a blue ribbon.

 

“Yeah, that works,” she says, “I’ll just let Sam know to expect you.”

 

Bela is too easily distracted by Castiel’s crooked smile to ask why she would need to let Sam know and who Sam was.

 

“Definitely works for me,” she says, “I’ll see you then.”

 

There’s a slight skip in her step when she leaves.

 

*****

 

Bela changes her outfit four times before deciding, screw it, she looks good in everything anyway. When she’s done and staring at herself in the mirror, trying to determine what style make up to put on, Ruby walks by with a tub of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in her mouth.

 

“You’re wearing _that_?” she says, around the spoon.

 

Bela barely spares her a glance before looking back to her outfit. After a moment’s hesitation, she strips out of her top and pants and reaches for something else, changing into her sixth outfit of the night.

 

“And why aren’t you dressed?” she grunts.

 

Ruby leans against the door frame, cheerfully on spoonfuls of mint chocolate chip ice cream. She’s still wrapped in her most comfortable pajamas as well as a thick microfiber blanket.

 

“Anna wants to go out tonight so I’m not heading to the party,” she says, “and I don’t need as much time to get ready -- unlike _you_.”

 

Bela can hear the eyeroll in her voice as she pulls on a skirt.

 

“Right, at least I take the time to treat myself.”

 

This time, Ruby does roll her eyes. She spins around and flounces out of Bela’s room, the tail end of the blanket trailing behind her.

 

Bela finally settles for a simple black dress. It’s one of a million black dresses that she owns -- _secondhand_ \-- but it looks nice and it’s a simply beautiful cut, too. And if anyone asks, she’ll just say she’s being classy for Halloween.

 

*****

 

Bela pulls into the street by Cas’s apartment. It looks like there’s a party in one of the apartment rooms because the lights are lit and the shadows bounce erratically, in time with the beat of the music. Bela can feel the vibrations as she drives by. Someone yells in glee and there’s a pop that follows.

 

She is about to text Castiel that she’s here when she realizes that they had never exchanged cell phone numbers -- only addresses.

 

Sighing, she puts her car in park, and heads towards the front door. A kind freshman lets her in and Bela looks for Castiel’s mailbox. The box shows what floor Castiel is on so she heads towards the elevator.

 

It’s then that she realizes she’s still fifteen minutes earlier than planned, and briefly wonders if Castiel had finished getting ready or if she was still in the middle of putting on her make up.

 

Bela taps her foot nervously and then glances at her watch. Thirteen minutes early now.

 

Still too early, she thinks. She has never arrived for a date early before -- much less on time.

 

The door to Castiel’s apartment is plain, a brass “704” emblazoned over the peephole of the door. She raises a hand to knock but the door opens and there’s a tall figure in the doorway, head turned back to yell something about being late. But then he turns to face Bela, chin-length brown hair swirling around him as he does so.

 

“Sam?” she chokes out.

 

 _Oh,_ that _Sam_ , she briefly remembers.

 

“Bela!” Sam greets, smiling. “What are you doing here?”

 

She straightens. “I’m here to pick up Castiel,” she says, “what are you doing here?”  


Sam gives her a lopsided grin. “This is my apartment,” he says, “Cas is my roommate.”

 

Before Bela can respond, he gives her shoulder a pat, and pushes past her. “Anyway, I’m sorry Bela, would love to talk but I’m kind of running late to pick up Jess -- see ya!”

 

He’s already turning around the corner before Bela can even process Sam being Castiel’s roommate -- _Sam_? _What?_

 

Not knowing what else to do, Bela enters and closes the door behind her. The apartment is… nice. It’s well-kept and clean despite being the home of one Sam Winchester, who she’s sure is pretty messy.

 

There’s a couch. It’s ratty but clean, which speaks of second-hand, and there’s a coffee table. One of the corners is chipped but it’s still in working condition which is probably why it’s still in use -- a few magazines are piled on top and some textbooks lying underneath it. Across from the table and the couch, there’s a flat screen TV which Bela is sure is second-hand based on the scratched screen and dented edges.

 

The walls are plain, but there are several bookshelves. Most of them are piled with law school textbooks and a few play host to photographs -- pictures of family members, Bela thinks.

 

She picks the closest one up.

 

There’s Sam and Dean -- she recognizes, in front of an old 1967 black Chevy Impala. They look happy. She sets it down.

 

And then there’s more of Sam and more of Dean, and then there are a couple of Cas and Sam and even fewer of just Cas. In fact, there are very few photographs of Cas and her family at all. And, Bela realizes, all of the photos of Cas seem more recent, ones that Bela thinks might have even been taken within the past six months.

 

“Oh, you’re here,” Castiel says from the hallway.

 

She obviously just came out of the shower -- her usually wavy hair is straighter, wet and dripping, and leaving a small puddle at her feet. She’s wringing out her hair with a towel and wearing a bathrobe, but other than that --

 

“Hi,” Bela says.

 

Castiel smiles.

 

“Hi.”

 

Then she seems to realize that she’s wearing nothing but a bathrobe and should be getting dressed.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says, “please feel free to make yourself comfortable. I hadn’t realized you had already arrived --”

 

“Sam let me in,” Bela says, “he was just leaving.”

 

Castiel nods.

 

“Yes, I heard him.” She moves towards a dark hallway, where Bela presumes leads to the bedrooms.

 

“Well, let me know if you need anything -- I won’t take too long.”

 

As Castiel leaves, she suddenly stops and turns.

 

“You look lovely, by the way,” she says and disappears around the corner, leaving Bela to sit alone on the couch.

 

*****

 

True to her word, Castiel doesn’t take long. She comes out in a flattering and feminine suit -- white top and a dark navy blue skirt and she even has a blue tie to match.

 

Bela half wants to leave and show off the entire party who she’ll be attending with but she also wants to stay and just kiss the life out of Castiel who looks so utterly adorable and beautiful at the same time, with her normally wavy hair wrapped up into an elegant bun, loose strands falling artfully and framing her face.

 

Instead she walks up over to Castiel.

 

“You look beautiful,” she says.

 

Castiel casts her eyes downward and shifts away from Bela. Startled, Bela moves back to give the other woman some space.

 

“Since we’re a bit early -- mind showing me your place a little?”

 

Castiel leads the two of them on a guided tour. The kitchen is separated from the living room with an island. Bela follows her down the darkened hallway, nodding when Castiel mentions that her roommate’s room is that way, but the bathroom is at the end of the hallway and her room’s right here.

 

The door is ajar, but Bela can still see a little of the inside. Outside the door, there’s a few posters that Bela is sure she’s seen before -- student organization fliers made to advertise events. Several of the events have already passed and others are to be held that night.

 

“A thief, Castiel?” Bela teases.

 

To her pleasure, Castiel lets out a low laugh, that Bela thinks sounds like water over gravel.

 

She gestures her inside -- there’s a bed, made but rumpled, like someone’s been sitting on it and lying on it. The closet door’s ajar too, and Bela can see clothes peeking out of it.

 

There’s a vanity, full of make up and various other cosmetics.

 

And then --

 

Bela takes something off the vanity, letting the feathers dangle loosely off her fingers.

 

“What’s this?”

 

Castiel’s face reddens and she reaches out for the pair of wings Bela’d picked up

 

“Oh -- I was -- well, it’s Halloween and so--”

 

Bela immediately understands. She puts it down, back on the bed, the wings sighing onto the bed as the halo joins it.

 

“Do you still want to wear these?” she asks, “I think you would be adorable as an angel.”

 

Castiel looks at the wings and the halo lying on her bed, then to Bela and shakes her head.

 

“Not today,” she says.

 

“Okay. Ready to go?”

 

Bela offers her a hand. And when Castiel takes it, she smiles and lets her lead the two of them out towards the door and into the cool night.

 

*****

 

Bela barely manages to find a parking spot outside the house where the party’s being held,  so they end up parking a couple blocks away and having to walk. Still, the walk’s not too bad, and Castiel lets Bela get really close to her.

 

“So you’re roommates with Sam?” Bela asks.

 

Castiel looks surprised.

 

“You’ve met him?”

 

“He let me in. Also, he’s dating my friend Jess.”

 

“Right…”

 

There’s an awkward silence, so Bela focuses on not falling on her face while walking around in the cold in heels. Then --

 

“We’ve been roommates since forever,” she says, “it’d be weird to not be roommates all of a sudden.”

 

Bela nods, co-ed roommates weren’t unheard of, just uncommon. And it wasn’t like she cared all too much.

 

“He’s a good guy,” Castiel says and there’s something in her eyes that tells Bela there’s more to that statement than Sam making breakfast some days or cleaning up after himself.

 

Before she can ask, a beer can flies by their heads. A frat boy whoops in delight.

 

Bela sighs.

 

“Guess we found the right house,” she says.

 

“Are your friends always like this?”

 

“Oh, you haven’t even met them yet.”

 

The inside of the house is worse -- there are people _everywhere_ and the place is already trashed. Bela can only thank the heavens that she hadn’t offered up her own place for a party and she isn’t ever planning on it, either -- if she has it her way. Not that Ruby would mind.

 

From the size of the crowd inside, it seems as though everyone in the vicinity had heard about a party happening at this house and deemed it fun to gatecrash, bringing along as much booze as they could with them.

 

But Charlie Bradbury is there, dancing with her girlfriend -- a stocky girl with her hair pulled up into a strict bun. Wasn’t she dating someone else though?

 

Bela’s question is answered when Gilda floats by and kisses both of them, inserting herself between her two girlfriends and dancing elegantly.

 

And then there’s Dean in the back, sipping on a beer, leaning against the wall and chatting quietly to Victor Hendriksen, who’s looking handsome in some sort of realistic uniform.

 

“Are you thirsty?” Bela asks Castiel, “I can get you a drink.”  


Castiel nods and follows after Bela when she maneuvers her way through the crowds towards the kitchens.

 

There, Bela finally sees Jess -- whose hair is streaming along the back of her neck in waves and there’s already a slight flush spreading across her cheeks. She pushes her nurses’ hat up, as though she had done it a thousand times already tonight.

 

“Jess!”

 

“Oh, Bela! I’m so glad to see you,” Jess says, and immediately drops the ladle she had been using and reaches for a hug -- Jess is warm and it makes Bela feel warm, too. Even more so because her black dress shows a lot of skin.

 

Jess glances curiously at Cas before Bela realizes that she never mentioned she would be bringing someone.

 

“Jess, this is Cas,” Bela says waving a hand in Cas’s direction and then vice versa, “Cas, Jess.”

 

“Cas!” Jess says excitedly turning her attention towards Castiel, “I’m so glad to see that you could make it!”

 

“Bela invited me,” Castiel says, “but it’s always nice to see you.”

 

There’s a slight uneasiness in the air hanging between them, but Bela doesn’t say anything. Instead, she peers into the punch bowl and asks Jess if she’s seen Meg.

 

Jess shrugs. She reaches across for a bottle of vodka and dumps half of it into the punch bowl.

 

“I’m not sure. She disappeared after putting drinks in the fridge,” Jess says, “although knowing her, probably somewhere quiet with Abaddon.” Jess rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but continues stirring the mixture.

 

“Meg’s got a fancy for that type of woman though,” Bela says.

 

Jess laughs.

 

“Where’s Sam?” Castiel asks.

 

“Around,” Jess says, “I promised Meg I would make this for her so I told Sam to go have fun for a bit while I finish up.”

 

After making sure that both Castiel and Bela each have a glass of punch in their hands, Jess shooes them to go have some fun.

 

“So far, meeting your friends has been an utter delight,” Castiel says.

 

Bela rolls her eyes.

 

“It’s not like she counted,” she says, “I’m sure you already knew her -- she’s Sam’s girlfriend.”

 

Castiel only gives a noncommittal hum. A little irked, Bela turns away and leads Castiel throughout the room, stopping every so often to make an introduction. Most students there didn’t know Castiel, although Castiel already recognized most of them.

 

The night passes by and still no sign of Meg, which Bela thinks could be a good thing. Turns out, Castiel’s actually really fucking amazing at beer pong, but that’s only because she can hold her alcohol.

 

“I think,” Bela says, “you need to slow down.”

 

Castiel laughs and it’s a low laugh, deep and rich. But she does listen, taking the time to sip a fruity drink that Bela’s sure Jess had prepared for the party.

 

The party’s getting louder and rowdier with each passing hour, so Bela leads them to a quieter space. She leaves Castiel lying on a couch, mumbling something about family, for a glass of water and comes back to find Castiel wide awake and alert.

 

“What’s wrong?” Bela says, seeing the expression on her face.

 

Castiel shakes her head but takes the proffered drink.

 

Bela sits.

 

“Thank you,” Castiel says.

 

Bela wants to ask her what’s wrong, but Castiel obviously doesn’t want to talk. So she accepts the lack of response and switches the subject. “So how long you’ve known Sam?”

 

Castiel sets the glass of water down, looking much more relaxed and alert than before.

 

“I’ve known him for a while,” she says. Her voice sounds a little more raspy than usual. “Since freshmen year of high school,” she says.

 

“So, a while then,” Bela says, “are the two of you close?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Castiel takes another drink of water, seemingly very thirsty. She finishes the glass.

 

“So what about you?” she says, “have you and Jess always been friends? And Meg?”

 

Bela shakes her head. “You don’t have to talk about my friends,” she says, “especially since you haven’t really met them yet.”

 

Castiel smiles and leans back. Bela stares at her, wanting to touch her, but unsure if she could. She couldn’t -- could she? What was the damn rule about TAs again?

 

But Castiel is already leaning forward and pressing her head against the crook of Bela’s neck, nuzzling almost, and sharing the warmth. Bela relaxes and slowly, she can feel the tension fold away from Castiel’s shoulders and away from her entire body.

 

She presses her lips against Castiel’s forehead, brushing away the strands of wavy hair as she does so.

 

Castiel hums.

 

Something in their relationship shifts that night.

 

*****

 

Bela walks Castiel back to the car and drives her home and then walks her upstairs, too. Sam doesn’t seem to be home yet because the entire apartment is dark and everything is exactly as Bela had seen it.

 

Castiel grumbles under her breath about the mess in her room as she dumps her jacket on the couch and then turns to Bela.

 

“Would you like to stay the night?”

 

Bela glances over at the worn couch and then at Castiel’s tired eyes and then she thinks about her own exhaustion.

 

“Yes,” she says.

*****

 

Castiel lets Bela borrow some of her old clothes -- the ones that are too small for her. They fit Bela just right, in all of the right places, so the two of them head towards the dining hall together. It feels nice, to be able to walk to grab food with someone and ignore everything else around them.

 

Some of the students they walk by are going through the Walk of Shame.

 

When Castiel points this out and mentions that Bela’s lucky she had Castiel, Bela playfully shoves her.

 

*****

 

The dining hall is rather quiet with only a few students walking in and out of the sparse breakfast lines. Bela and Castiel find a quiet corner to sit with their breakfasts in hand.

 

“What’s your ideal date?” Castiel asks right away.

 

Bela wants to say that something fancy. Something like dinner at a five-star restaurant followed by a night out at an art gallery opening. It’s something she’d imagine right from a movie and it’s something she had thought about a lot when she dated her ex. So she tells Castiel that.

 

“But that’s just ideal,” Bela continues, “I’d be perfectly fine with dinner and a film. How about you?”

 

“ _Film_ ,” Castiel says, laughing, “you might want to start saying _movies_. That’s how we Americans speak.”

 

Bela manages to flick some of her scrambled eggs at Castiel, who laughs and tries to dodge the eggs but gets a faceful of it instead.

 

“I’m in America, eating an American breakfast, with my American friend so I think it’d be quite alright if I could keep some of my British-ness,” Bela says rolling her eyes.

 

“Sure,” Castiel says, “how about I help you with that? We could watch a _film_ at my apartment.”

 

Bela can’t tell if Castiel is being cheeky by saying _film_ or if she was being flirty. Either way, Bela couldn’t say no.

 

*****

 

“Where are you off to?” Ruby says that very evening.

 

Bela rolls her eyes. “I’m going over to Cas’s,” she says.

 

Ruby’s eyes glitter with mischievousness, something Bela’s always wary of. And from the way she’s hanging on her bed, laptop in hand, and mobile in the other, it seems she’s made up with Anna -- finally.

 

“Did Anna decide to transfer?”

 

“Yeah,” Ruby says, “but we’re going to make this work. And it won’t be until next fall.”

 

“You two will make it work,” Bela says, “let’s talk more tomorrow alright?” She’s already regretting starting this conversation now just as she was leaving, but there just hadn’t been any time.

 

Ruby doesn’t fault her. She gives her a casual wave and cheers her on.

 

“Have fun! Don’t get her pregnant!”

 

Bela ignores her as the door closes behind. Despite the new closeness and the despite the shift in their relationship, there still hadn’t been all too much of a change. Castiel is still Castiel and despite being completely direct, Bela finds it hard to believe that Castiel wouldn’t have made her feelings clear by now.

 

*****

 

Sam lets Bela in again, as usual, with a cheerful wave and a wink. She ignores it, giving Sam a cool greeting.  


“Cas’s in the kitchen,” he says, “making some food.”

 

“Thank you, Sam,” Bela says.

 

He disappears into his room with a mumbled excuse of studying for a law exam the following day. Bela makes her way to the kitchen, dropping off her coat on the ratty couch.

 

Castiel’s back is turned towards her. She looks at home in the kitchen, expertly shifting from stove to fridge and taking and putting things away. Music filters in through a small age-old ‘90s stereo. The speakers crackle with each beat. But it’s the smell of stew, wafting through the air, that catches Bela’s attention.

 

“What are you up to?” Bela asks.

 

Castiel turns, face immediately morphing into a smile when she catches Bela’s eyes.

 

“Making dinner,” she says, “I’ve been studying all night, I almost forgot.”

 

“Smells good.”

 

“Thanks, it’s just some beef stew. Would you like some?”

 

Bela shakes her head. “I had dinner so I’m fine for now,” she says.

 

Castiel pauses, then turns away, shrugging.

 

“Okay,” she says, “I’m almost done so I’ll be right out. You can make yourself at home.”

 

A little lost as to why Castiel had suddenly turned rather cold, Bela turns and heads towards the couches. She reorganizes the pillows in a way that she thinks would be most comfortable for the two of them. Then she takes a closer look at the film they’ll be watching that evening --

 

It’s _Black Swan_ , she realizes with a smile, somewhat fitting.

 

She puts the DVD in and settles back onto the couch, waiting for the menu to pop up. Just as the music begins playing, Castiel comes out with a bowl of stew and a spoon.

 

Castiel looks a little bit stiff and wary, but she sits down on the floor, just in front of the ratty couch.

 

“You’re not going to sit on the couch?” Bela asks.

 

Castiel looks up and for about the thousandth time, Bela is struck by the blueness in her eyes.

 

“I like the floor,” Castiel says.

 

Bela slides off the couch and settles next to Castiel whose shoulders seems to loosen. She leans back against the couch and tries to ignore the uncomfortable posture the chair and floor had positioned her.

 

“Ready?” she says, holding out the remote.

 

Castiel nods.

 

Bela tries to pay attention to the movie; she really does, but after the protagonist's introduction as a perfectionist ballerina, she stops watching. It doesn’t really help that Castiel is next to Bela and it becomes increasingly difficult to keep her eyes faced forward.

 

Castiel ends up falling asleep on Bela’s shoulder a few minutes before the film ends. The empty bowl of stew lies still on the coffee table. Bela waits for a few minutes to see if Castiel would wake and even tries to wake her, but nothing works so she grabs a pillow from the couch and slides it underneath Castiel’s head.

 

Castiel murmurs something.

 

“Hey Cas, it’s getting rather late,” Bela says, “I’ve got to head back.”

 

Castiel seems to understand; she blinks blearily and manages to crawl onto the couch without Bela’s help.

 

Bela ends up leaving. Castiel’s a heavy sleeper it seems because she can’t get more than a soft murmur out of her, so Bela reminds herself to text Castiel tomorrow morning.

 

*****

 

 _Hi Cas, had to run,_ Bela texts the next morning. _Student apartments lock up just after 3._

 

 _Okay_ , Castiel had responded.

 

Bela doesn’t receive any more texts from Castiel that day. Nor does she see Castiel until the next dance session, during which she is rather quiet.

 

*****

 

Bela becomes overrun by her classes -- two of which are senior performances and the other two are senior seminars; her dance club’s been pushing all members to practice for the upcoming holiday celebration; and applying for work after graduation.

 

Ruby’s also been busy, but she’s also a junior so she doesn’t worry too much about the senior stuff. Some nights, while Bela is busy filling out applications for a dance troupe in New York, Ruby is out with Anna or with Jess or with Meg.

 

And some nights, Ruby comes back and asks about Castiel.

 

Bela is exhausted. It’s a Thursday evening; she still has two more papers to write that are due Monday and the worst part was that she hasn’t started. That on top of work later that night, holding the dance sessions, and beginning the choreography of her senior performance.

 

Her phone buzzes. She glances at the text she’s just received from Castiel.

 

 _I have tickets to see_ Midsummer’s _tomorrow, want to come?_

 

Perhaps it’s her sleep-deprived mind or perhaps she had just felt overwhelmed, but the thought of spending two hours in the audience, watching something she did not particularly care for, seemed a little bit suffocating.

 

 _Can’t_ , Bela absently types, _much too tired._

 

The time between Bela’s sent text and Castiel’s reply lapses. Soon, Bela forgets that she has her phone on her desk and she refocuses her energy on completing her two 20-pagers.

 

 _Okay, see you tonight_ , was Castiel’s response.

 

*****

 

The dance session that night feels much too long for Bela so she ends it early. That and coupled with the fact that Bela had been missing the student’s answers to the simple questions she had asked leads her to believe that she’s much too tired to continue holding the dance session that night.

 

“Looking forward to the Thanksgiving break?” Castiel says as the students file out. Bela groans and stretches on the floor.

 

“Yes, definitely,” she says, “I’m looking forward to some peace and quiet around here.”

 

Castiel stops in front of her, looking surprised and sad at the same time.

 

“You’re not going home?”

 

Bela blinks. “No,” she admits, after a moment’s silence, “I don’t usually celebrate Thanksgiving and Ruby’s spending Thanksgiving with Anna’s family.”

 

Castiel hesitates a moment, before saying, “So you’ll be alone.”

 

“I suppose,” Bela muses.

 

She stands and starts putting away her things. The stereo’s first, so she grabs that and puts it on a shelf -- and through it all, she can feel Castiel’s eyes boring holes into her back.

 

“I don’t mind it, really --”

 

“Spend Thanksgiving with me,” Castiel says at the same time.

 

Bela blinks again, startled enough that when a student opens the studio door and starts talking about how she had forgotten something, Bela nearly jumps out of her skin.

 

She wants to, Bela realizes, she wants to take Castiel up on the offer. But the last time she had had anything remotely Thanksgiving-ish had been at years ago back in England. Back -- she couldn’t even call it home anymore.

 

“Let me think on it.”

 

*****

 

Bela feels complete relief when the two papers are done and completed. She hands them in with confidence and is about to march back to her apartment to sleep when she falters in her steps, realizing that she still hasn’t given Castiel her answer.

 

But as she surveys the nearly empty campus, littered only with one or two students trudging along their rolling suitcase (the rest having left already she assumes), she realizes that she does actually want to be around people.

 

This year, if she chooses not to go, will be the first year she’d be completely alone and she’s not sure she’s entirely ready for that.

 

 _When do we leave?_ Bela sends Castiel.

 

 _Wednesday after my 12o’clock class, I will pick you up from your apartment_.

 

Bela packs on Tuesday morning.

 

*****

 

“You’re going to be spending Thanksgiving with her?” Ruby says in shock when Bela tells her Tuesday at breakfast. “But you never want to celebrate Thanksgiving!”

 

“I’ve invited you over a million times!” Jess says.

 

Meg is quiet, for once, contemplative.

 

“You want more,” she realizes. “You’re ready for change.”

 

“What?” Jess and Ruby chorus.

 

Bela shifts uncomfortably. Meg was always surprisingly perceptive whenever she wasn’t high or drunk or well, not paying attention, which made things awkward because she had absolutely no filter.

 

“Listen, babe,” she says, “you’ve told us about little Cassy half a million times already since you’ve met her, or even mentioned, and it’s obvious that you kind of like her even if it’s just a crush, but hey, I’m not one to judge.

 

“But it also sounds like she likes you too and you’re not sure but nothing’s heading in the right direction, not even since Halloween.”

 

Bela stays silent.

 

“Meg’s right,” Ruby says, “I saw your face after that party and then again after classes that following Monday -- two very different expressions.”

 

“What happened?” Jess says. She takes Bela’s hands into her own and cradles it, as though she would her own child.

 

Bela sighs.

 

“I don’t know,” she confesses, “I guess I thought Halloween was when things changed, but it didn’t.”

 

“Neither of us said anything and honestly? I don’t think we can,” she continues, “seeing as I’m her TA. Anything she does well on in that class can be seen as favoritism.” She purses her lips.

 

“Then tell her for fuck’s sake,” Meg says, “just so there isn’t that awkward tension.”

 

*****

 

Afterwards, Ruby sits across from Bela in their apartment living room. She staring at Bela with worry and Bela can’t help but want her to stop.

 

“You sure you’re going to be okay?”

 

“I don’t know honestly,” she says, “the last time I was --” She cuts off, remembering the yelling and the screaming. The sound of silence followed by glass breaking.

 

“ _Get out_ ,” he had said, “ _and don’t come back._ ”

 

Underneath the table, young Bela watched as her mother left.

 

Ruby wraps her into a hug.

 

*****

 

Castiel has a car on campus, too, and so they set off in the early afternoon on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Her car is an old Ford Escort that’s long since has disappeared off the production line, but it’s been passed along via Castiel’s many siblings and now it’s Castiel’s turn to have it.

 

“It’s been a family tradition,” she had said, “for each sibling to pass it along to the next sibling.”

 

Bela peppers Castiel with random questions about the car and about her siblings, trying to keep her mind off the fact that she would be spending Thanksgiving at her _friend’s_ home and hoping that she would be able to keep everything in check.

 

She ends up falling asleep sometime between learning about Castiel’s mother’s ability to whip out cookies like none other and asking Castiel how long the ride is. When she wakes, it’s nearly dark out and Castiel is singing along to a song on the radio, low tones and deep gravely voice.

 

“You have a nice voice,” Bela says.

 

Castiel starts and stops, glancing over at Bela.

 

“I didn’t realize you’d woken up,” she says, licking her lips, “but thank you.”

 

Bela smiles, sighs, and leans back into her seat, burrowing herself in its embrace. But she’s already wide awake and the calm of the night has alerted her to the fact that they’re nearly there.

 

“Had a nice nap?” Castiel teases.

 

“The best,” Bela says.

 

Castiel pulls into the driveway, which lights up when she does so, but even then Bela can see that the lights are dim inside.

 

“Looks like they’ve turned in for the night,” Castiel says, as she turns off the car.

 

Bela eyes the house -- it’s beautiful, it’s grand, and it’s a lot larger than she had initially expected. For some reason, with Castiel being so shy and humble, and even speaking so rarely of her family, Bela has been assuming that -- but she shakes her head.

 

They grab their things and head inside -- Castiel has a key and lets them in. The lights flicker on.

 

“Well, well, well, looks like the baby br-- the baby has decided to show,” a voice teases.

 

Castiel sighs, letting her bag fall to the ground. Bela peers around Castiel’s tall body to catch a glimpse of a stout man with round cheeks, a balding head, and squinting eyes.

 

“Gabriel,” she says, “it’s nice to see you.”

 

And Gabriel’s grin takes on a friendlier tone. He steps up to her and wraps his stocky arms around her, enveloping Castiel in his brotherly love.

 

As they part, Castiel moves aside to bring Bela into Gabriel’s view.

 

“Gabriel, this is Bela -- she’ll be joining us for Thanksgiving,” she says.

 

Bela holds out a hand. “Pleasure,” she says, but before she can do anything else, Gabriel takes her hand and sweeps down onto one knee, pressing a kiss on her hand.

 

“Pleased to meet such a fine lady,” he says.

 

Bela smirks.

 

“Must be hard to come by for someone such as yourself,” she says.

 

Gabriel stands, eyebrow raised at the sudden snark. Then, he turns to Castiel and grins.

 

“I like her,” he says, and then he claps a hand over Castiel’s shoulder and it’s too rough, too harsh, almost overbearing.

 

“Lucy’ll be getting sometime tomorrow, but Mikey and Ray’s already here,” then he smiles and all of a sudden, Bela can see the resemblance between the two siblings, “and of course Hael’s been waiting to see you.”

 

Bela looks between the two, backing away from their sibling moment, but Castiel makes no move to speak.

 

“Good to see you,” Gabriel says and then saunters off into the darkness.

 

“Sorry about that,” Castiel says, turning back to Bela. “He can be a bit much.”

 

Bela stares at the end of the hallway where Gabriel had disappeared, assuming that he had gone to one of the rooms.

 

“You haven’t told me much about your family,” she says. “And I suppose we’ll be sharing the room?”

 

Castiel nods. “Yeah, my old room,” she says, “follow me.”

 

Castiel leads them through the darkened hallway. They pass by the bedrooms, one’s lit and there’s some odd music playing through the doors. Bela immediately thinks it’s Gabriel’s.or some reason, she can imagine Gabriel listening to this type of music.

 

One glance at the door where a brass gold “G” sits and her suspicions are confirmed.

 

They pass by “H”’s door, where the light is off and then “M”’s and “R”’s where both are lit up, though it’s quiet.

 

The master bedroom is at the very end of the hallway. Bela can see a photograph hanging on the door -- a very old one by the looks of the edges -- but she’s far too tired to really take a detailed look.

 

“And my room,” Castiel whispers.

 

There’s a “C” hanging on the outside of the door.

 

They set up and after numerous arguments over who takes the bed and who takes the floor, Bela suggests they share the bed. After all, it was large enough to fit two women on it and after a moment’s hesitation, Castiel relents.

 

“What are your siblings like?” Bela whispers.

 

The prolonged silence makes Bela think Castiel has already fallen asleep but then Castiel’s hmm-ing and haw-ing, as though pondering the right words to describe her family.

 

“There’s Luke,” she says, “who’s the oldest even though everyone thinks it’s Michael. They’re fraternal twins and they always argue over _everything_. The last big argument left the kitchen table in shambles and that was over a _sock_.”

 

Bela laughs at the image of two grown twin men arguing over a missing sock.

 

“Gabriel likes calling Luke Lucy,” she continues past a yawn,  “and Michael Mikey.”

 

“He’s the jokester of the family then?”

 

Castiel makes a low tone of amusement.

 

“Gabriel works as a comedian.”

 

“I can see that,” Bela says.

 

Castiel falls silent and Bela turns to check on her. But just then, a soft snore rumbles and Bela knows that Castiel has already fallen asleep.

 

Bela wants to hold her hand, or hug her, but there’s something stopping her. Something like an invisible wall or barrier to keep her feelings at bay. She turns away.

 

In the darkness of Castiel’s room, Bela lets herself sink into sleep and briefly wonders if someone out there had a fucked up sense of humor for letting her get this far without learning how to open up.

 

*****

 

Thanksgiving morning bursts into the household with the sounds of yelling and the smell of bacon and turkey. Bela’s awaken at an ungodly hour by loud noises in the kitchen and is surprised to find that Castiel’s already awake and gone from the room. She groans and glances at the clock on her desk -- it’s eight in the morning.

 

Not seeing much of a choice, Bela gets up. She skims over Castiel’s note, the one telling her which bathroom she can use and could she please hurry, there are pancakes.

 

Bela showers and gets dressed, and by the time she’s out and warm, with wet hair hanging down onto her shoulders in a stringy mess, a small breakfast is laid out on the kitchen table.

 

True to her word, the smell of pancakes immediately greets Bela along with a sulking, teenage girl sitting at the breakfast table.

 

“Hello,” Bela says cautiously as she slides into the seat across from the girl.

 

She looks up and glares at her and then looks back down at her breakfast -- a plate of pancakes, eggs, and sausage, all smothered under copious amounts of syrup. Then she picks up a fork and stabs her sausage, taking a big bite out of it as she stares straight at Bela.

 

Bela glares back and then gets up.

 

“Oh you’re awake,” Castiel says.

 

Castiel’s already dressed and ready for the day, decked out in a comfortable-looking ratty blue sweater that brings out her eyes. She sets down the bowl of -- Bela peers into it...stuffing? -- down on the kitchen table and then walks around Bela to reach into one of the many cabinets.

 

“There’s more breakfast in the microwave -- most of it’s still warm,” she says, “and there’s coffee already made next to it in the machine.”

 

“Thanks,” Bela says, making a beeline for the coffee. Castiel disappears again, this time without the bowl of stuffing, and by the time Bela settles down again across from the sulking girl, she has a warm cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes and eggs.

 

They eat in silence. At one point or another, Castiel’s mother comes in. Her hands are floury and eyes frantic, and she introduces herself in a completely frazzled manner. As she welcomes Bela, Bela wonders why Castiel isn’t the one doing the introductions. But her mother is gracious, letting her know where the food is and she’s of course welcomed to grab anything while they’re still preparing for Thanksgiving although please be sure to save some room.

 

“Thank you for having me, Ms. Novak,” Bela says.

 

But her thanks is waved aside when Rachel lets her know that any friend of Castiel’s was family. Then she grabs a few random ingredients and disappears out of the kitchen -- which is slightly confusing because why wouldn’t they be cooking in the kitchen?

 

After that, the ice around the sulking girl melts a little bit and so Bela chances talking to her. Besides, she was Castiel’s sister -- they had to be somewhat alike.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

The sulking girl glances up at Bela and in between bites, spits out, “Hael.”

 

Bela briefly wonders what kind of name that is and then wonders if the entire family has strange names.

 

“That’s beautiful name,” she says instead, “I’m Bela. Nice to meet you.”

 

Hael glances back at Bela, eyeing her with distrust from under her brown bangs. Then she swallows and looks away.

 

“Nice to meet you,” she mumbles, and then lets her fork clatter onto the plate. She gets up from the table and disappears into the hallway.

 

Bela finishes her breakfast alone, amid the noises and the good-natured arguments on the steps in making the cranberry sauce. The front door clicks open, follow by a stampede of footsteps which probably explain the Castiel’s brothers’ absence at breakfast.

 

There’s some yelling and cheering before Gabriel appears in the kitchen while Bela’s clearing her plate. Behind Gabriel is an entourage of people -- mostly men. There’s a tall man with dark hair and dark eyes and very thick eyebrows, who smiles charmingly at Bela, and the next man has similar features but a rougher edge. He’s frowning, accenting his scruffy chin and jaw. Finally, there’s a black woman, looking distinctly out of place and yet at home at the same time. She glares at the two taller men and then when she spots Bela, her eyes register a brief surprise.

 

“Alright guys, guys!” Gabriel calls, voice booming above the chatter, “little Cassy’s brought home a friend so you all need to be nice to her!”

 

Bela sets down her dirty plate and turns to face the siblings, giving them a half-hearted wave.

 

“Mikey, Lucy, Ray,” Gabriel continues, “this is Bela and Bela, this is Mike, Lucy, and Ray.”

 

“Cheers,” Bela says, giving them a wave.

 

The dark haired man pushes past the group, shaking his head in bemusement as he does so.

 

“Actually,” he says, “I’m Michael -- dearest Gabriel just enjoys calling me by the oddest names.” He gives Gabriel a dangerous look as he says this.

 

“And I’m Luke,” the blonde hair man says, “but you can call me whatever.”

 

“Alright then,” Bela says, smirking, “Whatever.”

 

Luke looks delighted by her response.

 

“And I’m actually called Ray,” the black woman says, holding out a hand. “Short for Raphael, but I like Ray better.”

 

Bela takes it, suddenly aware of Ray’s infectious lopsided grin.

 

“I _am_ actually related,” she says, then adds, “family complications.”

 

“That’s always a bonus,” Bela laughs.

 

Castiel walks into the kitchen, easing herself through the spaces between her brothers and sister and making her way towards Bela. Her earlier calm composure had slipped away in the form of a growing bird’s nest on her head. She reaches for Bela, then seems to think better of it, and pulls back.

 

“I have to run to grab something -- Mother forgot it,” she explains, “would you like to come along, Bela?”

 

Bela bites her lips at the formal language Castiel uses but nods anyway. Maybe this will give her a chance to actually talk to her.

 

Castiel smiles and it’s reminiscent of Ray’s grin somehow. Bela follows after, ignoring the knowing looks on Castiel’s siblings’ faces.

 

“They can be a little bit too much,” Castiel says as soon as the doors to the car close.

 

Bela glances back at the house as Castiel pulls out of the driveway.

 

Bela shrugs. “Siblings are usually like that, aren’t they?”

 

“You don’t have any?”

 

“I’m an only child,” she says, “lucky me.” Bela smiles but it’s half-hearted, wondering if maybe having a sibling would make a difference as to whether or not her family would have actually stayed together.

 

Castiel seems to notice, but doesn’t address it. “Lucky you,” she says.

 

They pull into a nearby grocery store and get out. There are a few people up and around, mingling through the stores in a last minute attempt to grab some items needed for their big Thanksgiving dinner, but other than that, it’s rather quiet.

 

There’s a mixture of elation and nervousness drumming through Bela. She’s glad to finally have some time with Castiel -- alone, and glad to get away from house for a little bit. But at the same time, there’s something between the two of them that isn’t being addressed and she’s not sure what it is.

 

“What is it that your mother needed?” Bela says, peering curiously at a jar of preserves.

 

Castiel smiles sheepishly as she turns to face Bela. The glow in her cheeks suddenly seems more prominent. It’s not just the cold that’s turning her face red.

 

“I actually just needed to get out of there,” she says, “so I made that up.”

 

Bela immediately feels at ease. She laughs. And she thinks back to the previous Thanksgivings she’s had on campus, ones where she’s shared with Ruby, Anna, Jessica, and Meg. She thinks of how sometimes it got to be too much so she just left Ruby and Anna arguing over the right way to stuff a turkey to get some air at the grocery store over one block. Suddenly, she feels a brief pang at the idea of having Thanksgiving without them; it seems lonely now.

 

“You okay?” Castiel says. She grabs the jar of preserves Bela had been looking at and places it neatly in the shopping basket.

 

“You seem a little bit tense,” Castiel explains.

 

Bela stares.

 

“You noticed?” she says.

 

Castiel shrugs. It looks odd today -- all angled and rough and careless, so unlike her.

 

They walk. They pass several aisles, past the display of preserves, and by the time they reach the tea section for the third time, Bela speaks.

 

“I guess I’m just disappointed,” she says finally.

 

Her heart pounds hard.

 

“And why is that?” Castiel sounds cautious.

 

Bela looks anywhere but Castiel; her eyes glide Castiel’s blue eyes, the wavy dark hair. She looks past her and looks at boxes and boxes of Oolong tea and green tea and chai tea. She groans inwardly, because _chai_ means _tea_.

 

“I thought something was going to happen,” she says, “and it did and didn’t.”

 

Castiel falls quiet. She picks up the box of Oolong tea and sets it in the shopping basket.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I just thought maybe you weren’t ready.”

 

Startled, Bela turns to Castiel. She’s confused; for the past few weeks, she had thought that it was Castiel who hadn’t liked her despite what her friends said. She had thought that maybe Castiel was the one who hadn’t been ready.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Castiel stares and then removes the Oolong tea and grabs the green tea instead.

 

“Everytime I suggested we do something,” she says very slowly and very carefully, “you either had an excuse or turned it non-romantic.”

 

“I--”

 

Bela falls silent. She hadn’t realized she had been pushing Castiel away. In fact, she had thought she wasn’t, that she was making sure that her feelings were being known. She wants to tell Castiel that she does fancy her and realizes that she can’t quite vocalize it.

 

And she realizes that was part of the problem.

 

Castiel turns away, a hint of disappointment wafting in the air.

 

*****

 

Bela stews in her own thoughts on the drive back. They pull up and sit in the silence, not quite ready to go back inside to the lively atmosphere. For a brief moment, Bela wishes she hadn’t said anything because now Castiel thinks Bela doesn’t like her and that’s completely untrue.

 

“Ready to head inside?” Castiel says.

 

Bela gives her a short nod and they gather their groceries and start up the porch steps. She thinks about the past Thanksgiving and Ruby and Anna -- and the conversation with her friends comes to mind.

 

“ _You’re ready for change._ ”

 

Was she?

 

She grabs onto Castiel’s jacket sleeve, stopping her in her tracks.

 

“It’s sounds absurdly like a cliche,” Bela says, “but it was me and not you. I hadn’t been quite ready to vocalize feelings and emotions. I’m not that type of person. But I can tell you that I do want us to do things together, do go out to eat, or watch a film, or just sit and talk.”

 

Castiel stops and turns to face her fully.

 

“I do fancy you a lot, and I suppose that I’ve been rather obtuse about it all,” she gives a deprecating laugh. “But I would love for our relationship to be a romantic one.”

 

“No,” Castiel says, “you haven’t been _obtuse_ at all.”

 

She steps down from the porch so she’s facing Bela on even ground and then leans in close, pressing her lips against Bela’s.

 

It’s a little awkward the first time; Castiel misses and bumps into the corner of Bela’s mouth but they readjust and …

 

they kiss.

 

They kiss and they breathe and Bela nearly drops the groceries when she tries to hold onto Castiel and Castiel laughs but nearly does the same thing.  And they kiss and then Castiel suddenly pushes Bela away.

 

“Wha--”

 

Bela frowns.

 

“You should know,” Castiel says, “that I have a dick.”

 

Bela stares and Castiel stares and there’s an awkward moment of silence and then Castiel sighs and bends to pick up the groceries to head inside.

 

“Okay,” Bela says, stopping Castiel again, “thanks for telling me -- now let’s snog a little bit, yes?”

 

Castiel grins. “I think we better get these groceries inside before Mother comes looking for us.”

 

Bela laughs and leans close to Castiel as they walk inside, holding hands.

 

*****


End file.
